i may be a bird in a cage but at least it's your cage

So back in mid-May, when the Cowboy and I were broken up for the first time¹, I suffered what can only be considered a greivous head injury and decided to get rid of, like, most of my shit. I started with epic amounts of old photos -- I saved the ones I wanted to, and had some scanned! Don't worry! -- and have moved on to purging books and clothing as though I was preparing to live out of my car for a year.

(Right now, there are five boxes of books to give away on my bedroom floor. I boxed them up at 7:30 AM on a Sunday, because I am insane.)

Then I started reading personal design blogs, and basically I have lost my mind. I want to be AB Chao, y'all, so so so badly. Her gorgeously designed house! Her adorable clothes! Living in Louisiana! Her personal style is not my personal style, but I love the way she goes about her life. So: design blogs to start, and then when I epically purged my closet of everything that didn't fit or that I hated yesterday morning, I looked at what was left and realized that, totally by accident of purchasing items from the sale racks at Belk and TJ Maxx and Ross Dress For Less, I have, at 31, actually developed a personal style.

Then I spent two hours getting rid of more books, dusting, arranging my jewelry in a pretty fashion now that I had space on top of a half bookcase, and looking at the J. Crew sales listings, because I am a crazy person.

(Really, what happened was this: I went back on meds and into therapy for my anxiety in January, and having the meds relieve the literally 24/7 crushing panic attacks I was having has led to my brain being in overdrive; except it's not in overdrive, it's just that I am no longer so anxious that I can't think. I can hear my own thoughts again! That's pretty big.)

Wait, where was I going with this? OH RIGHT: honestly, I started reading design blogs for inspiration in styling band photoshoots, but then it turns out that I probably would be happier with a clean and well-pulled together house/bedroom/what have you. So now I have to figure out what I want to do with what I have -- because I am always broke, and also I'm saving my money to go on a ridiculous clothing spree at Crabtree Valley next weekend when the NC has tax-free weekend -- and also, the most important question, what sort of design concept goes with an inflatable dinosaur?

Because the dinosaur and I have been together even longer than the iCat and I have, you guys, and I can't really give him up.

So this is a call for you guys: show me pictures of your pretty things! Recommend design blogs! Talk to me about your personal style! Because basically all I've been doing since May is reading books about badass ladies in rock and roll (also trashy books about werewolves), taking photos, hanging out with shep. and the Cowboy, watching baseball, and suffering from terrible, terrible head trauma involving an obsession with home and personal design. So I could really use some people to talk about that last one with. I'll even share my plans to make a lamp out of a big glass jar and buttons, and how I'm going to spraypaint my ugly IKEA dresser into looking like a Mies van der Rohe painting!

And if somebody wanted to buy me these, in exactly that color pack, I WOULD NOT SAY NO. I WOULD EVEN SAY THANK YOU IMMENSELY.

P.S. My favorite photos from this year are here, and also, this is the Cowboy. I love his dumb face.

P.P.S. I am going to finally start cross-posting from DW to LJ, so if you're not following me over there and you prefer to be, go for it.

P.P.P.S. I am going to clean my desk now.

1: the Cowboy and I have broken up twice -- three times if you count the time I accidentally broke up with him while we were having a fight, but we got back together four minutes later when he realized I meant "I cannot cope with you doing this particular thing SO STOP IT" and not "I cannot cope with dating you at all" -- in the seven months we've been dating, because we are both super high-strung people who are hyper sensitive and have trust issues. But we keep getting back together because ultimately, we're very good for each other and we like each other loads and also we're mutually in love with each other's dumb asses.