i may be a bird in a cage but at least it's your cage

So back in mid-May, when the Cowboy and I were broken up for the first time¹, I suffered what can only be considered a greivous head injury and decided to get rid of, like, most of my shit. I started with epic amounts of old photos -- I saved the ones I wanted to, and had some scanned! Don't worry! -- and have moved on to purging books and clothing as though I was preparing to live out of my car for a year.

(Right now, there are five boxes of books to give away on my bedroom floor. I boxed them up at 7:30 AM on a Sunday, because I am insane.)

Then I started reading personal design blogs, and basically I have lost my mind. I want to be AB Chao, y'all, so so so badly. Her gorgeously designed house! Her adorable clothes! Living in Louisiana! Her personal style is not my personal style, but I love the way she goes about her life. So: design blogs to start, and then when I epically purged my closet of everything that didn't fit or that I hated yesterday morning, I looked at what was left and realized that, totally by accident of purchasing items from the sale racks at Belk and TJ Maxx and Ross Dress For Less, I have, at 31, actually developed a personal style.

Then I spent two hours getting rid of more books, dusting, arranging my jewelry in a pretty fashion now that I had space on top of a half bookcase, and looking at the J. Crew sales listings, because I am a crazy person.

(Really, what happened was this: I went back on meds and into therapy for my anxiety in January, and having the meds relieve the literally 24/7 crushing panic attacks I was having has led to my brain being in overdrive; except it's not in overdrive, it's just that I am no longer so anxious that I can't think. I can hear my own thoughts again! That's pretty big.)

Wait, where was I going with this? OH RIGHT: honestly, I started reading design blogs for inspiration in styling band photoshoots, but then it turns out that I probably would be happier with a clean and well-pulled together house/bedroom/what have you. So now I have to figure out what I want to do with what I have -- because I am always broke, and also I'm saving my money to go on a ridiculous clothing spree at Crabtree Valley next weekend when the NC has tax-free weekend -- and also, the most important question, what sort of design concept goes with an inflatable dinosaur?

Because the dinosaur and I have been together even longer than the iCat and I have, you guys, and I can't really give him up.

So this is a call for you guys: show me pictures of your pretty things! Recommend design blogs! Talk to me about your personal style! Because basically all I've been doing since May is reading books about badass ladies in rock and roll (also trashy books about werewolves), taking photos, hanging out with shep. and the Cowboy, watching baseball, and suffering from terrible, terrible head trauma involving an obsession with home and personal design. So I could really use some people to talk about that last one with. I'll even share my plans to make a lamp out of a big glass jar and buttons, and how I'm going to spraypaint my ugly IKEA dresser into looking like a Mies van der Rohe painting!

And if somebody wanted to buy me these, in exactly that color pack, I WOULD NOT SAY NO. I WOULD EVEN SAY THANK YOU IMMENSELY.

P.S. My favorite photos from this year are here, and also, this is the Cowboy. I love his dumb face.

P.P.S. I am going to finally start cross-posting from DW to LJ, so if you're not following me over there and you prefer to be, go for it.

P.P.P.S. I am going to clean my desk now.

1: the Cowboy and I have broken up twice -- three times if you count the time I accidentally broke up with him while we were having a fight, but we got back together four minutes later when he realized I meant "I cannot cope with you doing this particular thing SO STOP IT" and not "I cannot cope with dating you at all" -- in the seven months we've been dating, because we are both super high-strung people who are hyper sensitive and have trust issues. But we keep getting back together because ultimately, we're very good for each other and we like each other loads and also we're mutually in love with each other's dumb asses.

Livejournal! I am not dead. I am currently so exhausted I want to die, but I am not dead! I just kind of ... acquired a life, I guess? Started doing ill-advised things like going to five shows in the same week? I don't know.

What I have been doing:

-- Taking photos. You can see how busy my year has been, a lot of it contract work for pub companies and a music blog I started working with, here. Or here, which features one bathroom self-portrait for every show I've been to. Which is, as of right now, 61. Uh. My goal of 100 shows this year is going to be blown right past, I suspect.

Slightly less overwhelming is here, my personal favorites set for 2011.

-- Watching baseball. The UNC baseball team has had a quietly, surprisingly excellent year, and while they are no rivals for the 2007 or 2008 or 2009 teams in my affections, they are a good deal of fun. They scored a totally random national seed in the NCAA tournament and will hopefully make a serious run at getting back to Omaha this year.

-- Dating. Met a dude New Year's Day, got serious, broke up, starting over with him, slowly. Dating takes up a lot of time, you guys.

-- Watching Doctor Who and Game of Thrones. I gave up on How I Met Your Mother and Bones when I started dating the Cowboy in January, because I had no time all of a sudden and also I really wasn't enjoying either season, frankly, but Who and Game of Thrones are really doing it for me lately. I love everyone on Who, but especially Rory, and Game of Thrones is so fucking gorgeous and fucked up, so I'm loving that, too. The violence makes me cringe -- less spurting, please, HBO -- but I'm digging it.

The Cowboy and I are watching The Wire, too. It's awesome, as everyone told me it was. I'm just slow.

-- I am home today and thus able to post because my car died on I-40 last night. Only upside: I have the savings to fix it, it died in a completely convenient non-dangerous spot on the highway, and I have the vacation time to take today off unexpectedly. I am listening to podcasts and reading YA novels while I wait for the mechanic to call me back and tell me what's wrong (the mechanic and my father both THINK it's the alternator, but neither was positive).

-- My Flickr PRO account is about to expire and I have no money to renew it because see also DEAD FUCKING CAR GODDAMNIT LIFE.

-- I also have no money to buy art on Etsy like I want to but that's less of a pressing professional problem. Fuuuuck being broke. And also living somewhere that I love but where I have to own a car.

-- I made a really good pot of coffee this morning.

-- So far my five favorite albums of 2011 are: Ha Ha Tonka -- Death of a Decade; the Booze -- At Maximum Volume; Dave Hause -- Resolutions; the Smith Westerns -- Dye It Blonde; the Low Anthem -- Smart Flesh.

-- I am going to have a caprese salad today for lunch.

-- I am on Twitter as brandnewkindof. I mostly twitter about stupid baseball player hair, beer, music and photography. I don't autofollow back -- I use it professionally, to follow people I know IRL, and to get college baseball info -- but if you feel like following me for short album reviews and griping about mullets and opening bands, go for it. If I don't follow you back, I promise it's not personal.

-- That's all I've got! Need more coffee.

-- How are you guys? What are your favorite albums of 2011? What's taking up your time this year? I miss you. I keep trying to post and then just ... not. But I will do better.

[Posted elsewhere as well; apologies.]

Since the mid-nineties, Justin has been saying, ironically or not, that this is how your first entry of the new year should always be, and so it is.

( new year's round-up )

Happy 2011, y'all. ♥

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Saw the motherfucking Avett Brothers in a tiny club. Shot at Koka Booth on a photo pass. Watched TJ Yates win a bowl game, what is this madness. I went to an NHL game for the first time in ten years, I mean, not ever, but that's a long time!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Sure? I resolved to be happy, and mostly I was.

This year I'm resolving to be kind, and be awesome.

( that end of the year meme )

HAPPY NEW YEAR, YOU JERKS. ♥

(Cross-posted, sorry if you've already seen it, etc etc etc. ♥)

I've been making what I call a Christmas mix -- that is, not holiday songs but a mix made at the holidays -- since 1997; first they were tapes, then for a few years cds, and finally, in the digital age, the last five years have been downloadable zip files, and this year is no exception. These are songs -- frequently but not necessarily released in 2010 -- that meant something to me this year, for various reasons, and they are for you. The whole shebang is available as a zip file [here] (110MB, .zip).

Happy holidays, happy 2010, happy music sharing -- whatever floats your boat. This is from me to you. 2010 ended up being not half bad.

1. [the Drive-By Truckers -- "(It's Gonna Be) I Told You So"] now one day it's gonna be "i told you so"/i'm all full up from the shit i was fed


2. [the Gaslight Anthem -- "The Diamond Street Church Choir"] and who who who does it better than we do


3. [Two Cow Garage -- "My Great Gatsby"] this is not an alibi, baby, this is who i am


4. [Tim Barry -- "Thing of the Past"] i've been lit up before and i've bounced right back/made mistakes and i've learned to laugh/tonight i'm getting drunk and simply living


5. [Frank Turner -- "Photosynthesis"] i won't sit down, i won't shut up/most of all, yeah, i won't grow up


6. [Glossary -- "No Guarantee"] i laughed and said "i won’t stop now but there's no guarantee."


7. [Frightened Rabbit -- "Living In Colour"] i, i am weathered by the winter of mixed drinks


8. [Superchunk -- "Learned To Surf"] i can't hold my breath anymore/i stopped swimming and learned to surf


9. [Eels -- "Hey Man (Now You're Really Living)"] do you know what it's like to care too much/'bout someone that you're never going to get to touch?


10. [Dr. Dog -- "Later"] but i can't sit around and wait/can't sit around and wait for you


11. [The National -- "Bloodbuzz Ohio"] i never thought about home when i thought about love


12. [Ha Ha Tonka -- "Close Every Valve To Your Bleeding Heart"] thick skinned, hard headed/you're better off closing every valve to your bleeding heart


13. [Bright Eyes -- "Southern State"] so now you are giving advice as if you had the right to use a word like love


14. [Ryan Bingham -- "The Weary Kind"] pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try


15. [The Old Ceremony -- "Wither On The Vine"] and i don't want to wither on the vine


16. [Vic Chestnutt -- "Flirted With You All My Life"] but i found out with time that/really, i was not ready


17. [Good Old War -- "That's Some Dream"] i know everyone would want me to say/that i'm not afraid to be alone/i'm gonna live, i'm alright/i'm gonna die, it's alright, i'm okay


18. [Josh Ritter -- "Lantern"] if there's a book of jubilations/we'll have to write it for ourselves

I am really bad at posting these days, but as always: if you download this, this is always a good place to say hi, even if it's the only time you do all year.

LiveJournal, I know I don't talk to you enough these days. I'm sorry! I'm just really busy. Running around after bands, mostly, but then also sleeping in huge chunks when the huge amounts of time spent running around after bands are finished. I will update you more often. Or at least I'll think about it.

• I'm working on an interview project, finalizing a series of generic questions that will then be furthered tailored to each interviewee, and I could use some help brainstorming things I'd like to ask these people. So first; If you could ask any musician any question about baseball, what would it be? (I realized that my niche market is the intersection of music and baseball, and I'm trying to capitalize on that.) And second: musicians or music bloggers who are also vocal baseball fans. I have a pretty nice start to a list, but I could use more, if you can think of any. Yes, Craig Finn is on my list. Yes, if I land an interview with Craig Finn, I will fall over briefly before regaining my composure.
  
  Got a great question? Got a great musician suggestion? Leave 'em in the comments. I'll give you credit if it comes to fruition, this project. (Especially good if you have contact info. Like, if you have Brian Fallon's email address, leave it here, please.)
  
  
• The last time I asked you guys for recommendations of books about music/music history, you were awesome. Time to play that game again! Books about music (specific bands, memoirs, whatever) or music history (genres, scenes, etc) that you'd recommend.
  
  Recently and not so recently I have read and loved: Our Band Could Be Your Life; Please Kill Me (well, I'm still in the middle of that; I carry it in my camera bag for solo shows); Love Is A Mix Tape; Dixie Lullaby; Across The Great Divide: the Band and America; Just Kids; Miss O'Dell: My Life With The Beatles etc; Positively 4th Street. Girls Like Us is on my to-read list.
  
  I'm not really picky about subject material as long as the writing's good, though I'm also not really interested in anything re: metal. ALRIGHT GO.
  
  I will trade you those recommendations for this list of the 10 Best Music Documentaries of the past decade. :D? :D?
  
  
• I think that the Truckers' two-night stand at the Lincoln still tops my list of shows for the year, but the Two Cow Garage show at Kings three Sundays ago was also phenomenal, for me at least, and this is one of my favorite photos I've taken this year. The National at Memorial Auditorium a few weeks ago is also handily in the top five. Probably my top five shows of the year are as follows: Truckers' two-night stand at the Lincoln, 02/2010; Brian Fallon & Dave Hause at the Black Cat, 01/2010; the National at Memorial, 10/2010; Superchunk at the Cradle, 05/2010; Two Cow at Kings, 10/2010. Ha Ha Tonka this past Tuesday would come in at 6.
  
  But ask me again next week, it might change.
  
  
• I am also working on my year end top 25 albums list. It is harder than I expected it to be; the top ten was pretty easy, both objectively and subjectively, but after that, it gets murky. I shall have a lot of re-listening to do in the next two months. Nobody else release anything good, I can't cope.
  
  But also: hey, what's YOUR favorite album of 2010? I don't promise to listen to it, but I do promise to not judge.
  
  
• Two Thursdays ago I pitched a million publicists, and then when I was done, I still had to do my day job. It was simultaneously exciting and depressing. I love my day job, but sometimes it is just not what I want to, you know, do every day. Then I got ignored by publicists and it made me cranky.
  
  
• College football teams I am invested in this season: Auburn, and everything Cam Newton has thrown out of windows; Iowa, and their fine-lookin' Proud American Patriot Quarterback Ricky Stanzi, even if his hair is bad; Oregon and their Offensive Death Machine of Death; Boise State, because Boise State.
  
  Everyone else can go hang. LSU was interesting until they lost. I am mad at Butch Davis. Even the Beam and VaTech are boring this year. Oregon, though. Man. That offense. I don't even know.
  
  
• I wrote this post like 10 days ago and keep not posting it. Um. The only other things that have happened have been a) having a total meltdown at work two Mondays ago (I'm fine now), and b) Frank Turner is ruining my life. My Christmas mix was SO CLOSE to being done and then he released a new single and it was REALLY GOOD but I already had one of his songs in the mix, have for months, and I don't put two songs from one artist on the mix, so now I have to decide if I want to replace the song that was already there or save the new single and build the 2011 mix around it. Also ruining my life because he's not my boyfriend, but that one is less solvable. ALAS. FRANK TURNER, I LOVE YOU, BE MY BOYFRIEND.

That's all I got, y'all. What's up with you?

Back in the spring, rossetti roped me in to thinking about getting involved with the OTW; she stayed on me and on me over the summer; I spent three months reading epic Harry Potter fics on Archive of Our Own in July; and in August, I let her rope me in, and I've been serving as a staffer on the Development & Membership committee since then.

The OTW is in the final days of our October fundraising drive, and in the last months, I've gotten to work with some of the most brilliant, driven, funny women I've had the pleasure of meeting in fandom. I love reading fic on AO3 because it's all just there and easy to find and it doesn't disappear. If you post on the AO3, or love fandom, or just have a whole whackload of extra cash lying around that you'd like to get rid of, click that graphic up there and think about donating it to OTW. It's a damn good cause. DO IT.

I'm drinking whiskey in a cheap motel in Tenne-virginia and last night I saw Dr. Dog from ten feet away for about four bucks, if you divide up weekend pass price by cumulative sets seen. Today includes a Drive-By Truckers set and a Felice Brothers set. What are you doing?

I am so bad at posting to LJ these days. I swear I'm reading. I am! I'm just ... faily. At a wide variety of things.

1. So last night I went out and shot Counting Crows with a press pass, at Koka Booth Amphitheatre in Cary. It was pretty fantastic.
   
   
2. If you only look at one of my concert photos this year, look at this one from that show, which is the best concert shot I've taken this year. (That's Dan Layus and Jared Palomar of Augustana. And how did I do it? A super fast lens, good lighting, and blind luck. Not shoving to the front of a show with a $50 point and shoot, Ask Metafilter commenters. >:((()
   
   
3. What I have been doing since the last time I posted: rooting fruitlessly for UCLA in the College World Series; going to a lot of baseball games; gaining five pounds from drinking beer; going to shows; taking photos; emailing janet_carter about Brian Fallon and algernon_mouse about photography and day jobs; being full of rage at stupid people on the internet. The usual, etc.
   
   
4. My favorite album of 2010, thus far, is Gaslight Anthem's American Slang. I fully expect the upcoming Two Cow Garage to pass that one, but for now, it's Brian and company at the front of my list. I think the best album so far this year is probably the new Black Keys, which is unbelievably good. My favorite track of 2010 is the Roadside Graves' "Liv Tyler". And the album I've actually listened to the most this year is Frank Turner's Love Ire & Song, which came out in 2008.
   
   
5. Here, have a song from that album: [Frank Turner -- "Reasons Not To Be An Idiot"] THIS SONG IS APPROPRIATE TO ALL MY FEELINGS THESE DAYS.
   
   
6. The Orioles are mind-bendingly awful, and the Wiets is on the DL. The Tar Heels salvaged pieces of their season, but we can't talk about blown saves, the Harv's pitch count, the draft choices of the Indians, mayonnaise salad, kegs of bacon, idiot man children, dumplings, or pretty much anything else relating to the 2010 Carolina baseball season, because then I'll probably have to punch you in the face. This week, Anthony Rendon, presumed consensus #1 draft pick next June, shattered his ankle during a rundown while playing for the collegiate Team USA. My baseball karma this year is crap.
   
   
7. The little people in my iPod owe my $85,000 in solitaire winnings.

THE END. How are you guys?

Happy Memorial Day, y'all. If you have it off, I hope you're enjoying it. If you're not in the States or you have to work, I hope it's bearable. I hope everyone's thinking of your soldiers today either way.

Catch-up, catch-up:

1. Everyone who has asked me what I've been up to lately has gotten the same answer: running around shooting indie hipster bands, watching and obsessing about all levels of baseball, hanging out at the farmer's market, drinking beer. Seriously. I'm really good at all of those things, though, so it's okay.
   
   
2. No, really, I've been busy: between doing things out of the house and being, you know, an introvert who also needs serious recharging time, the last few months have been frantically busy for me. June doesn't look any less packed, nor does July. It's good to be busy, I think. It keeps me focused on things other than my brain spinning like a hamster on a wheel. Lots of outdoor concerts and baseball games coming up, and that's always good. Music outdoors is amazing.
   
   
3. So far the best album of 2010 is the new Black Keys album, Brothers, followed closely by the Drive-By Truckers' The Big To-Do and Eli 'Paperboy' Reed's Come and Get It. Blues, rock, soul. Yes, please. Go get 'em all.
   
   
4. The best show I've seen in 2010 was Superchunk at the Cat's Cradle a few weeks ago, followed closely by the Drive-By Truckers' two night stand at the Lincoln in Raleigh back in February, and Brian Fallon and Dave Hause acoustic at the Black Cat in DC in January.
   
   
5. The best baseball I've watched was Carolina's three game sweep of Virginia Tech, but the game that meant the most was getting to see ex-Heel Dustin Ackley play Double-A baseball in Zebulon, NC, over the weekend. And not just because the whole Carolina was bizarrely and traumatizingly in attendance, and also I bucked up and told Coach how much his teams had meant to me over the last few years. (It helped that I was tipsy. I was surprisingly concise and coherent and not at all weird for being drunk on Yuengling, frankly.) But because Dustin is amazing and lovely and I miss seeing him wear Carolina blue so much it hurts like a broken heart. I was very proud.
   
   
6. I am not watching much TV at all right now: with How I Met Your Mother and Bones done for the year, it's me and Doctor Who and that's it. I will probably watch all of Friday Night Lights season four over the summer. And Psych comes back soon, right? But mostly, if our TV is on, it's tuned to baseball, or it's playing a movie we've seen a million times or TiVoed episodes of Ace of Cakes, The Best Thing I Ever Ate, and Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. Duff + tasty things + restaurants I could visit on road trips = happy Min.
   
   
7. Although also: June 24, 2010, new Futurama episodes. 26 whole episodes! Very exciting.
   
   
8. Yesterday I got to have breakfast with ipso__facto and The Mets Fan and The Mets Fan's Chef Cousin. We ate at Ye Olde Waffle Shoppe and then took a lengthy hike around campus. It was hot and gross, but the company was excellent. I miss seeing Lala regularly and was glad to have any time with her I could. ♥
   
   
9. I'm weirdly sad and restless today. Cleaning the bathroom didn't help. I'm pretty sure that a beer at 10:18 am won't help, either.

I'm still here and reading. Mostly I'm just so busy out running around that I forget to actually talk, too.