i may be a bird in a cage but at least it's your cage

i have some problems. (i have a lot of problems, actually, but i don't want to talk about most of them, because they make me seem crazier than i already appear.)

the first problem is a subset of the second problem: i have forgotten how to write rps. i decided, in a fit of pique while iming with asb during my storytelling class last week, that i wanted to write a cw rps story. specifically, because i was trying to stave off boredom by reading mcsweeney's lists, a cw rps story called "socially awkward situations during which it would be acceptable to mess with texas". except i can't remember how to write rps. i mean, i spent 18 months churning out 50 lotrips stories! that's more than i've written in any other fandom EVER! and yet: i have NO IDEA where to start with this story. it's the last entry on my list of "things wot i want to write" (the top entry is a viggo/orlando story for cee that has been on the list for almost two years) and i keep staring at it, going, but how do i write you?

any help will be appreciated. and by help i mean "point me to interviews and shit" (someone's got to have all the important stuff saved in delicious, right?). jared and jensen both, pls.

the second problem is: i think i broke my write, in general. i finished up a couple of massive things all at the same time a few weeks ago -- i've got soul and there's a girl going crazy -- stories that had been occupying large chunks of my time before this, and i churned out three (yes, one is as yet unposted; coming soon to a journal near you, i'm still tweaking restlessly at it right now) studio 60 stories, basically, in two day periods, and my most recent supernatural story was about a week, start to finish. the bsg story i posted a couple of weeks ago had been sitting on my hard drive since august, waiting for the season three premiere; it was a story in reserve, if you will.

but then: i've got 11,000 words of john and the rest of the team driving a minivan and eating at waffle houses across the united states, but i can't finish it, no matter how hard i try (every time i try to finish it, someone ends up drunk again, which is hilarious to me and asb and pru, and fairly pointless, plot-wise; also, i swear, when i started this it seemed like a good idea). i've been sitting on a fairly interesting (to me, at least), potentially epic camshaft-centric gen season 10 sg-1 story, but i don't really know where i want to go with that one besides an overall hey-wouldn't-it-be-cool idea, and unlike many of my ideas, i feel that this one needs more of a structure before i start writing, to do the idea justice. plus there's at least two more stories in the daniel/vala(/camshaft) universe i've set up that i want to write, including one that's half done. i'm toying with the start of a matt/danny backstory epic. i've got two homicide: life on the street bunnies percolating. and, hey, there's always the jossed-by-john-wells josh/sam season 7 west wing story that i'm still clinging to, for whatever reason, despite the fact that the last time i opened the file was in april.

but i'm not interested in any of them. i'm adding to them listlessly; i'm not driven to churn out thousands of words on any of them on any given day. i almost always have at least three or four in-progress stories going at any given time, stories that i really like, that i'm really interested in working on, and right now i have half a dozen that i don't hate, but i'm certainly not ... engaged by. and i don't think it's a problem of the stories -- objectively, they all work pretty well, they're pretty decent stories. not to mention: i have a story ideas file that's got probably three dozen stories in it, and i can't start any of the ideas there. it's not a problem of the stories, i think it's a problem of me. i broke my write, and i don't know how to unbreak it. *sad face*

let us not even speak of how i'm supposed to be revising the novel for insidian right now, and whenever i open the file, i start hyperventilating and have to lie down on the floor and drink heavily. that's bigger than my flist's assistance can help, i think. that issue may require professional help. (confidential to sid: i'm trying, i swear! i'm just ... being stupid, is all. i'll stop soon and get my act together.)

so. when you hate all your stories and you have lost the inability to start anything new. what do you do? *flails around*

(last night there were three posts on my flist in a row, all about how the authors of said posts couldn't/didn't want to/weren't writing. at least i'm not alone in my wretchedness.)