i may be a bird in a cage but at least it's your cage

from my paper journal yesterday:

But I do not approve. And I am not resigned. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay

You'll always be too old, and too young; everything happens too early or too late, there will never be nearly enough time, no matter if you've a whole life ahead of or behind you.

Take what you're given; grieve and laugh and make love when the impulse strikes. Get up and drink coffee and wear pants that make your ass look fantastic. Sleep with the windows open. Light candles. Write every day. Read the classics, and trashy mystery novels. Eat good food and bad takeout. Love what you love, love who you love. Dance in the kitchen. Tell stories. Travel. Try not to worry too much. Work hard, play hard. Dream. Love the ocean. Walk barefoot in wet grass. Be generous. Dream big. Spend money wisely. Love well, if not wisely. Memorize poetry. Be good to the people you love. Be good to yourself.

i reproduce here less than 1% of what gets committed to my paper journal, and most of that 1% is sketches of fanfiction that i've composed in bars, away from computers, later committed to word documents full of headers and author's notes and porn. but i thought - it's been, september has been hard for a lot of people, a lot of people i love dearly - that maybe people needed to see me trying to prop myself up, in print. it seems to be a common misconception amongst you livejournalers, perhaps because i restrict my flailing about to heavily filtered posts and to my own living room floor, that i am a fairly well-balanced, together sort of person. i am, and then i'm not. i fall apart, too, and i put myself back together with writing. i thought this might resonate with someone. *hands*

now: i have studio 60 fic to be writing. and, uh, i suppose, work to be doing.